Anyways, I had a journal that I kept from day to day and I would like to publish it online even though it's written.. I would like to have both to keep. Also from publishing it on my blog, it will take me back to what my thoughts were, my feelings and how far I have grown.
So, if you're reading this... please enjoy. These are my truest thoughts.
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December 30, 2013 5:46pm Chicago, USA
December 31, 2013 6:46pm Hanoi, Vietnam
Dear Journal,
I just remembered to write in my journal. I am still on the flight to Seoul, South Korea. It's been about 6 and half hours of flying. Still good!
OMG... I had the worst morning. I haven't eaten since Dec. 29 Noon so I was running around on an empty stomach but wasn't feeling hungry at all. Anyways, I had to deal with an upset stomach due to some pepper. Worst Idea. Woke up, got to the airport with Xoulee, Pang, Fong, and Jon at 5:45am. I took my [malaria] pills on an empty stomach... ended up puking later...
On the coach bus to Chicago, I took a nap after an apple and a few bites of bread... felt so much better. We finally arrived in Chicago at 9am... ate asian food... they boarded at 11:10am. Plane finally left at 11:40pm!
I got window seat! Pang sits right behind me and right next to my left is Jack, a freshman.
How am I feeling? At the moment... Hungry.
On the plane, we've had plenty of bevs (beverages), bibimbap... and a beef bun! yummy. Best plane service and gorgeous flight attendants :)
Anyways, I miss home. Can't believe I'm so far away. Also we're flying up to Canada, Alaska, Russia and China. Interesting route.
I miss him... I hope he's doing well. I've been taking photos.. In Chicago, I called my mom too.
Anyways, I gotta get back to reading. One down, five more to go!
Love, May See!
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Chicago 12.30.13 10:25pm
Hanoi 12.31.13 11:26pm
Dear Journal,
So, a lot has happened this year. A lot of bad, a lot of good. But something that broke my heart left a scar and made me lose my confidence, myself, my belief... I was bitter and I kept myself away from people. Anyways.. I've slowly started to let go of that grudge.. of that hate...
I want this journey to discover myself again...
I want this trip to empower myself..
I want to be strong
I want to be responsible
I want to be fearless
I want to question things
I want to have the hunger to learn
I don't want to give up
I want to be a great and inspirational Anthropologist
I want to do me
So in order to do all of this...
I'll need to be selfish yet caring and dependable enough for others. I will let them know I am here for them if they ever need me
I'll continue to take risks and make wise decisions. It's about having an adventure! Adventure is out there!
I need to focus on school and education. I've lost my priority and I need to have a mentality that yes, education is everything. So learn as much as possible and apply it. Research, research. Never stop learning :)
I need to let all the hurt go. Stop dwelling on all the pain. It's useless playing them over and over in my head.
Lastly. I need to love myself more. Give myself that credit. I deserve it. I worked for it. Take pride in who I am and what I've done!
I love you, May See!
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Jan 1, 2014
Hanoi 8:56am
Dear Journal,
We landed in Vietnam last night at 9pm. Painful ride. I remember being tired... so I slept most of the time. And then feeling super sore. I had a fish dinner.
Then it took a while for us to get our VISA and waited for the other group.
We had a driver drive us from the airport to the hotel... let's say it was like a roller coaster but definitely dangerous.. OMG. I literally prayed for my life that we get back safely... and there were times when I had to look away.
Anyways traveling now, bye!
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Jan 1, 2014
Hanoi 2:44pm
Dear Journal,
It's been a long day... Currently at the Ho Chi Minh Museum. Moving again, bye!
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Jan 2, 2014
Hanoi 7:45am
Dear Journal,
Oh dear... it's been a busy day. I haven't had the time to update. Yesterday, we went to the Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum, toured around his neighborhood, his home, ate at a restaurant went to a museum and visited Hoa Lo, a prison.
Yesterday was definitely an eye-opener... to history and culture. Reading and seeing pictures of Ho Chi Minh.. made me see how humble this man was. For me, he was... to his people.. a strong leader who had a vision to lead and unite Vietnam and that's what they needed.
The museum that we visited was very artistic in terms of the structures that were built and carved. Very interesting and the displays of articles were interesting as well.
Anyways after the long day of walking Xoulee and I just knocked out from 5pm to 2am. We woke up to watch a few TV shows and knocked out again.
Today is the last day in Vietnam. Today we'll be touring the Old Historic Quarter and be leaving at 4pm to the airport.
This morning, I skyped with Soon Loh :) It was good to hear and see him but he looks stressed and unhappy.
I also had dreams of my parents. I hope to skype with them soon.
May See
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Jan 2, 2014
Hanoi 4:30pm
Dear Journal,
We're currently heading back to the Hanoi airport. We had 4 hours of free-time before heading back.
I had a great time here. As I was strolling and sitting in the neighborhood, I've come to fall in love with Vietnam. I've learned to appreciate how hardworking the people are. And how they like to leisurely sit around. I liked doing that.
It has so much history here. The only thing I wished for was to learn their tongue. I wish I knew how to speak Vietnamese... the language barrier is difficult.
Well, Laos... here we come :)
May See
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Jan 3, 2014
Laos 7:50am
Dear Journal,
This is the first morning of Laos. Pretty chilly but not too bad... last night I submitted our first response paper and then knocked out.
It's beautiful and quiet here. I can't wait to explore.
I had another dream of family again. One of Soon Loh's dad and that he got better... Soon Loh got so stressed he was lacking iron and had to be hospitalized.. it was weird and then I remember I got mad at my mom but then I went back to hug her because I said to myself it was the last time I'll see her again.
Dreams, dreams, dreams...
May See
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Jan 4, 2014
Phonsavan, Xieng Khouang Province 11:02pm
Dear Journal,
I am currently in Phonsavan, Xieng Khouang Province. We drove the entire day through the mountains. These mountains.. there are no words to describe them.. they're huge.. breathtaking.. scary.. .absolutely gorgeous.
There was a time where I was listening to the old, classic Hmong music while looking out as we drove... it really made me think of my parents and how fortunate we are to be in America. How much sacrifices my parents made just for us... so we don't have to struggle in the mountains.. I thought of wanting to meeting my mom and dad in their 20s.. I really do.
Momma is such a strong and independent woman.
Daddy is such a humble, hardworking father
I really love them. They must be missing those mountains.
I recorded as much as these images I could.. hopefully, it'll bring them to peace just a little paradise... a little closer to home.
I really miss them. I really miss Soon Loh too. It's hard not being able to connect with him. I hope he's doing well...
I miss him so much. I hope he knows...
May See
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Jan 5, 2014
Phonsavan, Xieng Khouang Province 9:26am
Dear Journal,
Just got back from breakfast from the market. It was probably one of the best breakfasts I've had on the trip so far. It was small. It was simple and the lady who kept the shop was Hmong. It's difficult deciding who's Hmong or who's not.
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Jan 5, 2014
Phonsavan, Xieng Khouang Province 12:20pm
Dear Journal,
We just got done with discussion and going to... "Tiaj tshawv zeb" [Plain of Jars]
It was a very good discussion, deep and informative. Majority of it was about the benefits, disadvantages of tourism.
- Is it right to bargain when we're the fortunate ones?
- How much is authentic?
- Why are foreigners attracted?
- What are we missing out on with tourism blinding our eyes?
Sorry my handwriting is so horrible. Currently on the road.
May See
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Jan 6, 2014
Laos 10:47am
Dear Journal,
We have just left our guesthouse. We are heading to a school that Tub teaches at. He's a person that Dr. Chia met three years ago. He was a student then but now he's a teacher. He's a very nice guy. He graduated with English so he's pretty good.
Well, we're on the road again. My experience in Xieng Khouang was good. We ate at the markets, had conversations with a few Hmong ladies. Seeing the market reminded me of my mom. She works just as hard to earn... and she's done this most of her life.
I also experienced exchanging money with a non-authorized vending place... it was with a bunch of guys with their money bags. I twas intense because I used $20 bills and they would give me in full if I had bigger bills but things worked out.
May See
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Jan 7, 2014
Laos 11:14am
Dear Journal,
We are currently on our way to Namphong Village. It will take us about 3-4 hours.
Last night we stayed at Salaphukun Guesthouse. It was a very beautiful place out-looking the mountains. Very peaceful. I got to know Jacky a little more... I asked her about her family and how they got to America.
After we left the bungalow, we stopped at a rest stop/restaurant on the hill. It was gorgeous. We stopped to evaluate what we want to accomplish after three days of home-stay.
Random Notes: "koi hak chao lai lai" means I love you in Lao.
Seeing and watching on TV is definitely different from experiencing from first-hand
While eating lunch with Jennifer, Pang, Mary Ellen and Shoua.. we talked about what I was studying and why I came to UW-Milwaukee. As a I was telling them why I wanted to study the Miao and Asia in general.. I went back to the beginning.
Jennifer re-mentioned how great of a leader I was by doing what I was doing and being the President of HSA. She said I was going to be a great leader... it shows and I have certain qualities already.
It really meant a lot to me to have someone recognize my capabilities. To be reassured that I was on the right path and what I was doing was good.
Remember to be proud of your strengths and to love yourself!
May See
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Jan 7, 2014
Tshav ntuj ntawm koj
Los nag ntawm kuv
(lyrics to a song I wanted to remember during the drive through the mountains of Laos)
Dad (Taj Fwm)
Mom
Vam Nyiaj
- Wife (Zag)
- Muaj Moo
- Qi
- Thej
Pao
*Muaj Moo is very smart. He's 7 years old and attends school. He's very smart. He knows his ABC and is very eager to learn. He actually knows a few words like Tiger, Chicken, buffalo. Mike and Jack were teaching him a few new words
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Jan 9, 2014
Laos 6:07pm
Dear Soon Loh,
I knew looking at your photo was a bad idea. I'm tearing up... I've saved your photos. The only photos of you before I left on my phone. I've saved them as my wallpaper. I miss you so much. I know I shouldn't be thinking about you because it only brings me sadness...
I stare at your photo.. hoping you'd talk back to me.. hoping I'd see your full smile. I want to see you again.. so badly. I miss your face.. your voice.. your smile.. your touch.. your hair. I miss combing through them.
I want to hold you... I miss your prickly facial hair.. I miss kissing your lips. I want to come back to you.
I love you so much.
Babe
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Jan 9, 2014
Laos 6:39pm
Dear Journal,
I just had a heart-to-heart talk with Zaag. It made me feel good... to have a nice, genuine coversation. I asked her about being a housewife "niam tsev" and about the marriage life. I also asked her about when she met Nyiaj and when she got married.
As a niam tsev, it's hard work. you have to love the parents, raise kids, cook and clean.
She met Nyiaj when she was 19 but she wanted to live longer and grow up. She told him to not wait if he found another. But in time, she had no one interested in her and he didn't have a girlfriend so they got married when she was 30.
Quite different from the norm of married age. But she's still beautiful.
I admire her for her hard work and beauty.
May See
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Jan 9, 2014
Laos 11:00pm
Dear Journal,
It is officially the last night in Namphong Village with my host family.
At first, I dreaded the days here. I wanted to leave here after yesterday... but after I connected with Zaag and seeing Muaj Moo's progress.. knowing how much our family is going to miss us... I'm going to miss them too. I am blessed to have learned from this family. They were open with us and genuine. I can't express that enough. Good night.
May See
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Jan 10, 2014
Laos 11:08am
Dear Journal,
We just left Namphong Village... listening to Jak Kun Pai.. I didn't feel emotional but in my heart.. I feel sadness and love at the same time. I saw now how they live. I felt their love that they gave to us. I felt the generosity. I will be forever thankful for what they taught me.. and what I've seen.
Namphong Village and my host family will forever hold a special place in my heart.
I honestly didn't expect a connection.. with them. I least expected it.
I also had lots of fun with Simone, Mike and Jack. Without them, I couldn't have done it.
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Jan 12, 2014
Laos 1:49pm
Dear Journal,
I am currently in Vientiene, Laos. I forgot to journal yesterday but we spent a day and a night in Ban 52. We went to an after school English school. It was a great experience definitely different from the Namphong school here.I believe the students had the money to attend English school. Most of them had cellphones. They were also very eager to have conversations in English.
I didn't get a chance to call my cousin, Hnub... I hope she forgot about me.
Then we had a 2 dinners and breakfast at the driver's place.
As we were driving out of Ban 52 and heading to Vientiene... we stopped by at Yengkong's uncle's village. They prepared a party for us.
Let's say I felt uncomfortable at first because I was avoiding being hit on. But I did. Well, it wasn't directly but the guy just asked my age and what year I was in college then he gave a creepy compliment...haha.
Anyways, that village knew how to party. Eh...
Then we finally drove off to Vientiene. The ride wasn't too long. But it was hilarious because Fong and Jacky had to use the bathroom so bad. Then when we got out, we thought they were the only ones. Found out, so many others followed them to the restaurant.
Haha.. I wish I recorded everything. It was like a rat race.
We finally got to the Aroon hotel. It's very nice. We got wi-fi!!!
I have so much to catch-up =___=
Then we worked on our group projects at a nice cafe.
We all did a 15 minute presentation. Got that over and done with... however we still got a paper to do.
Today, we visited the C.O.P.E. rehab center. It really opened up my eyes. I've heard of it but seeing the photo and simulations of cluster bombs... and seeing the good services that they are offering the victims made me feel good. We, as UWM, donated $357 to the cause.
After we went to Ack's house for a basi ceremony sharing this blessing evnet with part of the group was great. And I hope Jon sees his own world... or is beginning to feel all the love.
May See
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Jan 13, 2014
Laos 11:37am
Dear Journal,
We are currently on the plane. Just left Vientiene to Pakse, Laos. I got emotional. I cried because I was going to leave my parent's and grandparent's home country. A place of home, love and longing.
I was there. I experienced it and now I have an insight in how they were raised up. I hope they were proud of me.
When I think of Laos, I'll think of the tropical vegetation, the tourism in Luang Prabang, the temples where I prayed for Soon Loh's dad and my family.
I'll forever remember the mountains we drove past and around. I've longed to see them. I'll remember the four drivers: Chuefue, Xai Pao, Bee, Va Shoua. I learned a lot from Va Shoua.
I'll remember my host family in Namphong. I'll miss their faces and be sad that I left.. knowing their struggles.
I'll remember walking around the Plain of Jars and seeing the craters.
I'll remember the many different families I met and shared a meal with and the dancing.
I'll remember the two schools we visited.. and how they changed my life in terms of recognizing my capabilities of teaching.. and seeing others eagerly learning English
I'll remember my two days in Vientiene. I'll remember the beautiful basi ceremony... all the blessings given and received. Oh and really good food.
Lastly, I'll remember my tearful goodbye with Laos
May See
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Jan 14, 2014
Cambodia 9:01am
Dear Journal,
Currently at our hotel waiting to leave to Angkor Wat! I really need to do my readings, haha.
Last night, we went to a craft fair. It was interesting. Then we had dinner. Me, Pang, Bec, and Mike. Pretty chill.
Then, I had an awesome idea of getting a tattoo here.
May See
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Jan 15, 2014
Cambodia 10:24pm
Dear Journal,
Angkor Wat yesterday was amazing... but I'm super exhausted from any form of touring in a long while!
Sweated my ass off. A lot of climbing, steep stairs. We went to Angkor Wat, Ta Phrunard, Bayon temples.
Today, we went to the floating village however the water was low. But it was interesting to see a new community.
Then we got back to take our exams. I didn't do my best. I did get my responses back and got all A's on them.
After that, we went to the old market. I got my tattoo appointment at 2:30pm tomorrow :) I'm super ecited. I really hope everything turns out right.
Afterwards, we went to dinner.. our last dinner together. It was buffet style.. interesting. Then we watched a Khmer dance. I'm so jealous. I really wish I could do all sorts of ethnic dances!
Side note: I bought some deep harem pants!
Afterwards, we came back and debriefed about our experiences here. I truly had a great time and.. made it through.
I believe I have matured in a different level. I am happy to have seen the world in a new perspective.
Tomorrow I will work on a special choreography dedicated to myself on this big accomplishment and to inspire others to travel as well.
Then at 2:00pm, head to Angkor Tattoo. Becca will get her first than mines second.
When we get back, I'll film and at 6pm we leave Cambodia. Well just the hotel, haha.
I really can't wait to get home... I don't miss the snow but I miss everything else. Time to go home.
May See
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Jan 16, 2014
Cambodia 3:41pm
Dear Journal,
I finally got my tattoo! It feels good. It's a great accomplishment.. to get a tattoo abroad. Now I can check that off my bucketlist.
Another accomplishment was getting my dance video filmed. It wasn't too bad. Filmed it less than 30 minutes. Ran it through 3 times.
I'm excited to edit it on the plane ride :)
I believe my experience in Cambodia was my least favorite one. I just didn't like the tourism here. Sure, poverty exists but I didn't like the consistent nagging and begging of money.
I can't wait to go home.
May See
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& that was all I wrote. 22 journal entries. Wow. After Cambodia, I was too exhausted to enter any journal entries :\ Now, I just need to edit my videos and clips and create my travel scrapbook!! I hope you enjoyed my journal. There was a lot going on and I just didn't have the time to write them all down. My next upcoming projects will fill in what I didn't write on! Thank you for your time :)
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