New Year's Eve

Hello world,

My, my, my... the year 2014 is coming into a close...
I honestly feel as if I didn't do anything that was significant and I am absolutely fine with that. I needed a chill and bum year after the bullshit that I went through with friends and as President. haha!

Reflections? I've grown to have bad memories now... so I won't really remember much. It honestly started out great because ... I went studying abroad! I had a great time but even trying to remember my trip has gotten a bit more difficult. After the trip, I came back to the reality. I carried out my last semester as President of a student organization. It honestly wasn't my greatest highlights but I pulled through. Worst part was hearing your own members talking crap about you. Thinking about it now, it's all so ridiculous. In the end, as predicted, I don't care anymore and it doesn't affect me. What I learned from it was that people can be ridiculous and fake. I don't need that negativity in my life. I'm glad I got that over and done with. Those people really pulled me down and gave negative energy. I'm glad I now know how to step away from negativity. It's a lot easier now that I'm older and have experienced so many bullshit.

On the positive side, halfway and towards the end, I've realized that I am blessed with those I choose as my close and real friends. I do want to continue to keep them close. I haven't had a deep, one-on-one conversation with friends for a long time. In the end, I just needed to let out all my frustrations over conversations. I really do treasure those moments. One thing I've learned about myself throughout the years is that... when I'm friends with someone, I come with good intentions and I will sacrifice for you. I will make time for you. I am a loyal friend only if you do the same with me and that's all I really ask. My type of friendship isn't so complicated and materialistic. I'm glad a few friends recognize that :)

2015 is coming up next. What should I expect for this new year?

I'll be turning 24 years old. It will be the year of the sheep. I have lived for two Chinese zodiac cycles. I think I know what I want to do for my 24th birthday. Usually, I don't plan for it so when it happens, it's last minute and I'm totally fine with that. This year, I want to spend it with close friends who have been there for me and have changed or formed me. Of course, that means I'll do that on separate accounts. I just want to have a chill dinner or coffee date with them.

For Spring Break, I want to do something big with my boyfriend. We have never really traveled together before so I really wanna go on a cruise with him. This punk... I'm going to make it happen!

Resolutions? I've stopped caring because everyone around me would make expectations and when they didn't meet them.. they'd cry and whine about it. I learn from their experiences and just chose not to care anymore but this year... I want to make resolutions. This year I want to love myself and give love again. By loving myself, I will start taking care of my body and eating healthy. I want to get to know myself better. I want to know my good and bad sides. I want to know every detail about myself because it's good to know self-awareness. I want to give love again, genuinely. I want to reach out to friends again. Because what I went through with my friends, I hid myself away from everyone. I became introverted. I didn't care.

Lastly, I want to get back to my first love again: Dance. One main thing that I really did was during the summer, I performed with my friends at Danceworks. I dreaded it. Now I was given a break from it, I feel recharged and want to feel creative again. With the Cultural Entertainment Night coming up in April, I'm going to be dancing a lot with my friends! I'm excited. I want to create again :)

So, Happy New Years!! Stay warm and cheers to 2015!

Sick of it.

I will not let anyone mistreat me.
I will not be an option.
I deserve to be equally important.

I hate it when I'm loyal to friends and I give it my all only to be disappointed to be an option. I know I'm not the most prettiest nor the most entertaining friend... but I can be loyal, I can give a shoulder, I can listen to your problems.. I'll fight for you, I'll defend you. I'll show you that I am someone of worth and you have worth.

In the end, it's not my loss, it's their loss when I walk away.

badum..

My heart's been acting weird...

It started when I was drinking Margarita Bud lights with friends... I knew I didn't wanna drink it because it was going to be too sweet. Drinks after drinks.. having wine, then coconut sake... all these weird drinks together... Laughing very hard... then my heart would seem to skip a beat... I would hold my breath.. then take a couple deep breaths.

It happened again today after a few hard laughs... Ugh, why is my heart doing this? I am unhealthy :( I put too much on my heart. Please beat properly. I'll take care of you.

Roads to Mountains

Finally, 10 months after my study abroad to Vietnam, Laos, and Cambodia, I finally edited some footage for public view. But actually, this is for a class project for Urban Anthropology. This film only shows a snippet from my journey from Vietnam to Laos, excluding Cambodia.

The main focus is the difference between urban Hanoi, urban Luang Prabang, and the rest of rural, mountainous Laos. However, I am aware that most of these footage don’t do justice to each country due to my limited time and destination.

I hope you enjoy, either way, and ignore the random conversations in the video :)

I don't know how to say goodbye...

To my dear aunt:

It breaks my heart to see your children missing you and writing to you on Facebook. They miss you and I hope you see and feel it... I couldn't bid you a farewell properly. I think of the time when I visited your home and you leaving me some loving advice. That's all you could ever give me and I thank you. You were too young to leave us. 

To my dear friend:

Sorry I couldn't attend your funeral.. I know I wasn't close to you but you left a great impression in my life. How could you leave in such a moment? One day you're here and then you're not. I knew you were going through your challenges but in your last few months, you were soaring. Life can really just stop unexpectedly. Thank you for your stories, your laughs... Thank you for living.

What's wrong with me?

A few days ago, a Hmong guy friend complimented me. It started when I was talking about my experiences of getting hit on in Laos. It only happened once so it wasn't so bad compared to other girls on the trip. I said, "but it's okay. I'm not that pretty anyways so that way they won't hit on me." My friend responded, "don't say that. You do have some good-looking qualities." It really made me blush.  Not a lot of guys would say that to me. I was speechless and flustered. I don't care if he was just trying to be nice but it's been a while since another guy besides my boyfriend that gave me a compliment. 

Also, besides that moment, I thought about him all night. I couldn't get the thought of what he said out of my mind. Am I really that naive and easy to let a guy's compliment get to me? 

Then I knew what was missing from my relationship. You see, my boyfriend is a quiet type of guy. He doesn't express his love physically or vocally. He shows it by action and giving. I appreciate all the things he's done but sometimes I wish he would compliment me or hold me genuinely. I've told him things he could work on but it's always "yea I will try". Just words.... I may be asking for much but I wish he could tell me how cute I am once in a while. That I look good. 

I always get sad when I think about these things.... There are so many times when I tell myself, "it's okay, I accept him for who he is even with these flaws of his and things he doesn't do" but it's been so long where I think it may be affecting how I see myself... 

Favorites: American Horror Story

I hate looking at this photo but....

Yessss! I'm officially addicted to this show. It's funny how I used to ridicule it in the past but because my boyfriend gave the first season, Murder House, a chance... I got hooked. Eventually he stopped watching because he was disappointed the seasons after weren't about Murder House. The plot and some actors changed after seasons. I was a bit sad because yes, season one was the bomb butttt I got used to the concept. 

I'm currently on Season 3 Coven. Two more episodes and then I'd be done! 

My thoughts on Season 1 Murder House:

- I loved this season because obviously it's your first impression. It incorporates lust, greed, and anger. Their concept of what "spirits" and "ghosts" were, was fresh and new. The production was well done. The ending could've been better however.

My thoughts on Season 2 Asylum:

- now I'm not the type of person who is into hospital and asylum horror because that shit is messed up but I really enjoyed this season! It was because of the character development and the journey of the story. It was a great turn around. Probably my favorite season!

My thoughts on Season 3 Coven:

- so far... I like it and hate it. I love it because of the characters and sorcery. I hate it because of the drama and Emma Robert's character. I fucking hate her. I understand she's in Freak Show so I hope that gets better. "Tate" and "Violet" reunite as lovers. This season has a lot more girl drama and that's what I cannot stand. 

Overall,  I really do enjoy the recycling of 

Actors and actresses! The storylined are brilliant. I hope this show continues to grow and explore all sorts of horror stories!!

holy crap.

I apologize. It's been two months since I've blogged on here. But here's the latest photo I took of my world!

Yes, you see a coat and a scarf! Winter is here. It's Wisconsin weather afterall. However, I am grateful to be in this state than in New York =__= boy oh boy!

Anyways, what is new with me? It's the same old same old, like I like to say. The semester is ending in about three weeks. I really have to give it my all because in the middle third of the semester, I let myself slip again :(

I restarted my bad habit of skipping classes and not submitting my work in at all. I do have to responsibility for all that I've missed. This whole adult thing is so difficult. I do this every year and I never learn. All I can do is be hopeful and seek as much help as I can get. Try to salvage through all the mess that I've created. I know that very well.

Anyways, another new thing is that my boyfriend and I have looked into joining a gym membership!! It's a gym that's near us 24/7 so it's very convenient. I'm really looking forward to it! I'm finally going to put my new Nike shoes to use.

Alright that's all!
Here's a recent snapchat selfie!

Updates.

It's 3AM
and I like to stay up late to surf the net or watch some Law & Order: SVU on Hulu.

It's been two weeks of school so far. I've already missed 2 class days for no reason at all but I made sure to attend my night classes on those days. But classes are great. Just a lot of typical reading so far. However, I do feel these classes for this semester will give me a lot of useful knowledge that I will need in the future. I'm really excited for them and I will tackle them! I'm feeling confident.... at the moment.
For my Urban Anthropology class, we were assigned into groups and were given the task of "drifting" into neighborhoods. My group of three that did make it, chose to drift in the third ward and stumbled upon the MIAD's Industrial Design Foundations exhibit. There was a live band and good crowd. It felt good to be out and exploring again. I believe I need to do that more often just to spread my wings a little further each time.

It's the beginning of a new school semester so student orgs are welcoming back students. I attended the first meeting for ASU and HSA. I gott say, it feels different to be sitting on the other side as an audience, a regular member again after 2 years of being the President. However, a friend of mines who once was on the board, also thought it's hard to let go of that control and initiative to help out. We found ourselves helping out still and directing other members. It's definitely a whole new world once again. But I can't lie, it does feel refreshing. No more responsibility on my shoulders. No more pressure and a certain expectation as a leader.

Change of subject. I'm really hoping on getting a MacBook Air as soon as my GEAR UP grant gets in. I'm crossing my fingers! I received my first laptop in the second semester of my freshman year by my sister (making it 3-4 years) so it's not like my ASUS laptop is ancient but I believe it's about time I upgrade to something lighter! I know it's bad but I like to grab my laptop on the right corner of the screen, lol. That's why there is a crack on my ASUS laptop. So bad :\

Anyways, I've been keeping up with this Japanese drama, Love Affairs in the Afternoon, starring Aya Ueto. At first, it was an okay beginning and then I started hating Rikako-san because her obsession and thirst for affairs was ...weird... but it gets better. Now I can't wait for next week's episode =_=

Progress.

Hello again! 

It's been about one week of school. I'm trying to get back to the daily grind however, I just can't shake off my summer routines. I still feel like it's summer and I can just lay around unproductively, haha. It's so bad I know :\ I just haven't been assigned a load of homework and readings yet or I don't have the reading materials at the moment. However, I am pretty thrilled about my classes. I'm currently taking three Anthropology classes: two 500 level & one 400 level. They will require a lot of investment and effort in order to pass them. These are my crucial classes. Then, I'm retaking my Chinese class and taking a Transnational Chinese Cinema. It's really time to step my game up and earn all A's!!!!!!!! 

I can do this :)

In relation to the photo, I planted this sunflower about two months ago and it finally bloomed. Technically, for the past two days but today I didn't look so horrible, so I decided to take a photo with it. This is my first bloomed flower that I've ever planted. All of my previous plants kept dying on me. Haha, I don't have a green thumb like my mom. I'm happy :)

September

Hello! It's been a while since I've blogged. A lot and not a lot of things have been keeping me from blogging. Well, yesterday was Labor Day. Well it's currently 12:34am and today is the first day of classes of my 5th year of college. I just can't sleep. A lot of things on my mind. But I suppose I wanna talk about my summer. It was pretty chill and kinda insignificant. There were great things that happened and I really enjoyed the fact that I could just chill and relax. My life before summer had been stressful and a lot of reflection needed to be done. I don't think I've reflected much this summer but for once I could be happy with myself and not please others.... Except for my boyfriend because I've seen him every day. I am content. 

School is here. How did I end up with my 5th year of college? I can be honest and say I did not take my past four years of college seriously. I feel as if I wasted it. Honestly don't remember what I learned and my attendance was inconsistent. I've received bad grades. But this is hopefully my last year and therefore I will do my best. I am focusing on school. No more distractions and drama to hinder my path. I can do this. I will discipline myself. 

New Discovery: Attack On Titans & Betty Who

Photo credits: Yukihomu.deviantart.com

Throughout the school year, my friends talked about Attack on Titan but I just never really cared because I was into Naruto and Bleach. Now, I decided to check it out on Netflix and I like it. But it isn't the same feeling as I have for Bleach and Naruto. With the other two, I'm emotionally hooked and addicted but with AoT.. I just really like it. I guess I just didn't expect it to be bloody and gory which is fine. It's different and the animation is amazing. 

I know I'm late on this but oh well. It took me ten years (exaggerating) to get onto Naruto and four years to get into Bleach. I'm an inconsistent anime and manga follower. It depends on my mood to go after something. I also don't really like to follow bandwagons... So I wait until things die down for me to start on it. Haha. I don't know what's wrong with me. 

I just recently discovered Betty Who from Spotify and I effing love her already!! She sounds like Katy Perry without the Pop flavor. More electronic like Robyn. Funny because those are her two inspirations. I love love love her EP album, Slow Dancing. Check her out! 

Favorites: The Return of Superman

Or Superman is Back....

I present to you... this South Korean reality show that's been around for almost one year. I believe I started watching it during the spring of this year. This is a reality show about celebrity fathers taking care of their children with the absence of their wives for 48 hours AKA 2 days. It's been of one of my favorite shows that I've been keeping up with lately. It's hilarious, heartwarming and very adoring. My boyfriend watches it; my family and a few of my friends. We all look forward to new episodes every Sunday!

Now I haven't watched the "pilot" episodes before. I just started at episode one where these four fathers are the starting main cast. Let me introduce you!

This is Daniel Armand Lee AKA Tablo and his 4-5 year old daughter, Lee Haru, which means "day". Tablo is a hip hop artist with his group, Epik High, currently under YG Entertainment. He's probably the youngest out of the fathers so he's pretty hip and youthful. I don't know how to describe the genuine love he has for his daughter but he treats her like a princess and like a best friend. In the beginning, he tried very hard to have Haru open up her heart for him because she was very timid child. In the end, Haru opens up and depends on her father. His love is a one-of-a-kind, I can't emphasize it enough. He teaches her kindness, creativity, courage, and love. His effort shows when Haru shares and when she's caring around other kids. Her love for animals is very cute. She loves fishes and wild animals. I also have to say that she is a very unique and chic child. She doesn't necessarily like the average things that a little girl would like. Watching her interact with her YG uncles and aunts is very entertaining because G-Dragon is her favorite while Taeyang tries to win her love.

This is Lee Hwi Jae and his twins, Seoeun & Seojun. We meet them when they're less than one year old. At first, it was very difficult for me to differentiate the twins but it came easier later. They're not identical, by the way. I've never heard of Hwijae before but he's an actor and MC host? Anyways, in the beginning, before they could walk and such, it was very hard for Hwijae because Seoeun's clingyness whenever he meets new people. And of course, newborns like to wake up in the middle of the night, so that was a major issue. These two were a handful. Now they can walk and run around and they are just adorable. Seoeun, on the left, is the older one; meanwhile, Seojun, on the right, is the younger on. I love how they fight over toys with one another because Hwijae actually encourages it because Hwijae is an athlete so he would like his sons to become athletes. Therefore, he wants them to learn how to be competitive. Good luck, Seoeun & Seojun!

Probably the world's favorite, Choo Sung Hoon AKA Yoshihiro Akiyama & his 2-3 year old daughter, Choo Sarang. Her name means "love" in Korean and you cannot resist this little girl! My boyfriend is in love with her. Every time she comes on screen, he gives a "Awww!" Haha. Choo Sung Hoon and his family are actually Korean-Japanese citizens. His parents live in Osaka, while he resides in Tokyo with his model wife, Shiho Yano. He is also a MMA and judo fighter so throughout the show, you can see his built and sculpted body. Yum. Now, this father treats his daughter like a princess. She gets almost everything and eats everything she wants. This little girl can eat! And very adorably at that. She kinda has some sass to her some times. I think it's very humble that Sunghoon teaches her Korean roots. Although, Sarang can be all cute, I believe she has a very timid side and I hope one day she overcomes that. I believe my favorite thing about this family is whenever they reveal their family history and how far they've come. I also enjoy learning about Sunghoon's logic as a father.

This is Jang Hyun Sung and his two sons: Junu (11-12) & Junseo (7-8). They are no longer filming this show due to his busy schedule filming a new drama. I really enjoyed watching this family grow and without them was very sad to hear. Although Hyunsung didn't excel in cooking and is a very goofy father, he tries his best to give his ear to his sons who are growing up in a very important phase. He teaches them how to be proper men and teaches them to be confidence in themselves. He takes them through rock-climbing courses, career-exploring, horseback riding and traveling. He tries to provide for his sons. This is definitely a very heartwarming and humble family that I'll miss forever.

Introducing a new family - This is Song Il Gook and his triplets: Daehan, Minguk, & Manse. Together actually means "Republic of Korea, Hooray". Pretty creative there Il-gook. I thought this show wouldn't be the same without Jang Hyunsung's family but this family made up for it. I fell in love immediately with them because they were adorable and Il-gook was a pretty good father. He is patient with his kids and tries his hardest to keep up with them. I love how Daehan, the oldest, acts like the oldest. Minguk, the middle, is the charmest and gets bullied by the oldest and youngest. Manse, the youngest, is free-spirited and bratty. I think Il-gook is probably the most typical father because he does the same mistakes that a parent would- like dropping your kid and they bang their head on the floor. Very normal :) One of my favorite things so far is watching the kids learn new words... and guess who they learn them from? Their father. Like "bad kid" or "bad papa". It is sooooo adorable! I'm looking forward for them to stay very long.

And lastly.... another new family: Do Kyung Wan & his newborn son, Do Tae-myeong AKA Kkom-Kkom. This is his wife, Jang Yoon Jung. He should be about two months now however we meet them when she was still 9 months pregnant. We see how his family his and how loving they treat their daughter-in-law. I see them as a goofy couple. I also adore her loud obnoxious laugh because I'm like that too. Haha. It was very touching to witness the moment she gave birth. Okay, they don't show the gory stuff but the before-and-after. I was like tearing up when they were emotional. I'm looking forward to Kkom-kkom growing up and Kyungwan learning to be a father. 

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Well, that is all of the fathers from this show. I know I'm missing Kim Jung Tae and Yakkung but they didn't stay long and I didn't get a good impression from them. I hope you start watching this show and enjoy it. It's definitely a treasure-kind-of-a-show. Kind of like how much I enjoyed Family Outing. I know I'm not father nor mother, but this show gives a lot of insight on having children and becoming a better individual :)

Hello August.

It's officially in the last month of summer and it definitely went by too fast :( And I still feel like I have so much shit to take care of such as FAFSA >____< 

Anyways, this past weekend, I went back to my hometown to visit the family. I know that my dad is in California visiting my recovering Aunt so my mom was left alone to do the gardening and farmer's market. So I went back to help her out in a way. I asked my mom how if she missed dad and she was like, "No. I feel so much better and so at peace." Haha, she's funny. 

I finally spent some time with my aging grandma. I felt like I've neglected her for some time. I was being too busy with life to spend time with one of the people in my life who I treasure. This is my grandma. My pog. I love her so much. She's taken care of us, her grandchildren and great grandchildren. I feel a lot of me and my siblings don't take care of her enough. We just leave her all alone in her room, unable to take care of herself. I did my best this weekend to feed her, wash her and clean her. While she was eating, I turned on a Hmong movie for her to watch. Watching movies is one of the things she's been doing since she's grown older. She could watch it all day. And it's the image in my head that I can see her doing and it's a special moment for me. When she got ill, she stopped watching movies and I felt so sad because I want to see her continue watching movies so I would put it on for her every now and then. It's better than her sitting in silence. 

Anyways, in this moment, I watched her eat and watched a movie with her. At that moment, I felt so emotional. I started tearing up because I realized I haven't been a good granddaughter. I've forgotten about her even when she's still with us for now. I also realized how thin and how old she's gotten. I believe it was my 2nd year of college that she got worse and had to go to the hospital a few times. After that she got her surgery and she's been doing great ever since. I remember I was the only one willing to sleep in her room with her despite all the bed bugs. 

Kuv hlub koj heev os, kuv pog.

Favorites: 2NE1 ♥♠♣♦

I present to you... my all-time favorite KPOP female group: 2NE1.

Let's see how we met but some background information and context. I am a dancer and enjoy hip hop. I was also on a KPOP hiatus, meaning I haven't listened to KPOP in few years. So I missed the whole Hyori, Wonder Girls, Big Bang prime times. It was when I met my boyfriend that I stopped focusing on KPOP and listened to more Jay Chou and Chinese music. 2NE1 debut in 2009 and I was a high school senior at the time. I happened to be watching the Big Bang and mysterious-girls-at-the-time's Lollipop MV/Commercial. I just knew that these girls were going to be different. Minzy's dancing caught my attention because at the time, girls were all fancy and pretty pink. 2NE1 appealed to me and then I was a follower since. I joined YGladies to get all the information about them. They debut with Fire and everything else is history. I followed along when they had 2NE1TV 1, 2, & 3. I haven't been to a concert yet sadly :( The only physical album that I bought was their first album, everything else I bought on iTunes. But I am and will always be a die-hard fan.

I tried to be not so bias and tried to follow other girl groups like After School or Brown Eyed Girls because they were similar... but they didn't stick too long. I couldn't love them as much as I loved my girls. So, unfortunately, if you're going to recommend me other girl groups.. I'd give it a try but it might not last long.

And if you're going to ask me who is my favorite, I can't decide. They are all of my favorites. I admire CL's leadership and unique, fierce attitude. I adore Dara's goofy personality and her love for 2NE1. I respect Minzy's dance skills and faith to her religion. I love Bom's 4D personality and just how fancy she is. They make 2NE1 a whole.

Their music and music videos are always going to be evolutionary. Sure there are songs I don't like as much as others and sometimes their fashion is sometimes intolerable for my eyes but it is what makes 2NE1. I'm so proud of them as they are the WORLD's BEST NEW BAND and their TWO WORLD TOURS! I love their effort when they put into their all and enjoy what they love doing. Never stop having fun and please continue to make music for your Blackjack fans from around the world <3

Journal Entries from Abroad

I traveled to Vietnam, Laos, and Cambodia during the winter semester study abroad with Dr. Chia Vang. It was a very wonderful trip learning about the history and cultures that we encountered. We also had the opportunity to do a home-stay in a Hmong Green village, Namphong, Laos for 4 days and 3 nights. I learned a lot and experienced so much for my first time abroad. This trip was also a way for me to clear my thoughts and stress because of personal issues. So this trip was both personal and academic for me.
Anyways, I had a journal that I kept from day to day and I would like to publish it online even though it's written.. I would like to have both to keep. Also from publishing it on my blog, it will take me back to what my thoughts were, my feelings and how far I have grown.
So, if you're reading this... please enjoy. These are my truest thoughts.
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December 30, 2013 5:46pm Chicago, USA

December 31, 2013 6:46pm Hanoi, Vietnam

Dear Journal,
I just remembered to write in my journal. I am still on the flight to Seoul, South Korea. It's been about 6 and half hours of flying. Still good!
OMG... I had the worst morning. I haven't eaten since Dec. 29 Noon so I was running around on an empty stomach but wasn't feeling hungry at all. Anyways, I had to deal with an upset stomach due to some pepper. Worst Idea. Woke up, got to the airport with Xoulee, Pang, Fong, and Jon at 5:45am. I took my [malaria] pills on an empty stomach... ended up puking later...
On the coach bus to Chicago, I took a nap after an apple and a few bites of bread... felt so much better. We finally arrived in Chicago at 9am... ate asian food... they boarded at 11:10am. Plane finally left at 11:40pm!
I got window seat! Pang sits right behind me and right next to my left is Jack, a freshman.
How am I feeling? At the moment... Hungry.
On the plane, we've had plenty of bevs (beverages), bibimbap... and a beef bun! yummy. Best plane service and gorgeous flight attendants :)
Anyways, I miss home. Can't believe I'm so far away. Also we're flying up to Canada, Alaska, Russia and China. Interesting route.
I miss him... I hope he's doing well. I've been taking photos.. In Chicago, I called my mom too.
Anyways, I gotta get back to reading. One down, five more to go!

Love, May See!
-------

Chicago 12.30.13 10:25pm

Hanoi 12.31.13 11:26pm

Dear Journal,
So, a lot has happened this year. A lot of bad, a lot of good. But something that broke my heart left a scar and made me lose my confidence, myself, my belief... I was bitter and I kept myself away from people. Anyways.. I've slowly started to let go of that grudge.. of that hate...

I want this journey to discover myself again...
I want this trip to empower myself..
I want to be strong
I want to be responsible
I want to be fearless
I want to question things
I want to have the hunger to learn
I don't want to give up
I want to be a great and inspirational Anthropologist
I want to do me

So in order to do all of this...

I'll need to be selfish yet caring and dependable enough for others. I will let them know I am here for them if they ever need me
I'll continue to take risks and make wise decisions. It's about having an adventure! Adventure is out there!
I need to focus on school and education. I've lost my priority and I need to have a mentality that yes, education is everything. So learn as much as possible and apply it. Research, research. Never stop learning :)
I need to let all the hurt go. Stop dwelling on all the pain. It's useless playing them over and over in my head.
Lastly. I need to love myself more. Give myself that credit. I deserve it. I worked for it. Take pride in who I am and what I've done!

I love you, May See!
---

Jan 1, 2014 

Hanoi 8:56am

Dear Journal,
We landed in Vietnam last night at 9pm. Painful ride. I remember being tired... so I slept most of the time. And then feeling super sore. I had a fish dinner.
Then it took a while for us to get our VISA and waited for the other group.
We had a driver drive us from the airport to the hotel... let's say it was like a roller coaster but definitely dangerous.. OMG. I literally prayed for my life that we get back safely... and there were times when I had to look away.
Anyways traveling now, bye!
---

Jan 1, 2014

Hanoi 2:44pm

Dear Journal,
It's been a long day... Currently at the Ho Chi Minh Museum. Moving again, bye!
-----

Jan 2, 2014

Hanoi 7:45am

Dear Journal,

Oh dear... it's been a busy day. I haven't had the time to update. Yesterday, we went to the Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum, toured around his neighborhood, his home, ate at a restaurant went to a museum and visited Hoa Lo, a prison. 

Yesterday was definitely an eye-opener... to history and culture. Reading and seeing pictures of Ho Chi Minh.. made me see how humble this man was. For me, he was... to his people.. a strong leader who had a vision to lead and unite Vietnam and that's what they needed.

The museum that we visited was very artistic in terms of the structures that were built and carved. Very interesting and the displays of articles were interesting as well.

Anyways after the long day of walking Xoulee and I just knocked out from 5pm to 2am. We woke up to watch a few TV shows and knocked out again.

Today is the last day in Vietnam. Today we'll be touring the Old Historic Quarter and be leaving at 4pm to the airport.

This morning, I skyped with Soon Loh :) It was good to hear and see him but he looks stressed and unhappy.

I also had dreams of my parents. I hope to skype with them soon.

May See

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Jan 2, 2014

Hanoi 4:30pm

Dear Journal,

We're currently heading back to the Hanoi airport. We had 4 hours of free-time before heading back.

I had a great time here. As I was strolling and sitting in the neighborhood, I've come to fall in love with Vietnam. I've learned to appreciate how hardworking the people are. And how they like to leisurely sit around. I liked doing that. 

It has so much history here. The only thing I wished for was to learn their tongue. I wish I knew how to speak Vietnamese... the language barrier is difficult.

Well, Laos... here we come :) 

May See

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Jan 3, 2014

Laos 7:50am

Dear Journal,

This is the first morning of Laos. Pretty chilly but not too bad... last night I submitted our first response paper and then knocked out.

It's beautiful and quiet here. I can't wait to explore.

I had another dream of family again. One of Soon Loh's dad and that he got better... Soon Loh got so stressed he was lacking iron and had to be hospitalized.. it was weird and then I remember I got mad at my mom but then I went back to hug her because I said to myself it was the last time I'll see her again.

Dreams, dreams, dreams...

May See

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Jan 4, 2014

Phonsavan, Xieng Khouang Province 11:02pm

Dear Journal,

I am currently in Phonsavan, Xieng Khouang Province. We drove the entire day through the mountains. These mountains.. there are no words to describe them.. they're huge.. breathtaking.. scary.. .absolutely gorgeous.

There was a time where I was listening to the old, classic Hmong music while looking out as we drove... it really made me think of my parents and how fortunate we are to be in America. How much sacrifices my parents made just for us... so we don't have to struggle in the mountains.. I thought of wanting to meeting my mom and dad in their 20s.. I really do.

Momma is such a strong and independent woman.

Daddy is such a humble, hardworking father

I really love them. They must be missing those mountains.

I recorded as much as these images I could.. hopefully, it'll bring them to peace just a little paradise... a little closer to home.

I really miss them. I really miss Soon Loh too. It's hard not being able to connect with him. I hope he's doing well...

I miss him so much. I hope he knows...

May See

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Jan 5, 2014

Phonsavan, Xieng Khouang Province 9:26am

Dear Journal,

Just got back from breakfast from the market. It was probably one of the best breakfasts I've had on the trip so far. It was small. It was simple and the lady who kept the shop was Hmong. It's difficult deciding who's Hmong or who's not. 

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Jan 5, 2014

Phonsavan, Xieng Khouang Province 12:20pm

Dear Journal, 

We just got done with discussion and going to... "Tiaj tshawv zeb" [Plain of Jars]

It was a very good discussion, deep and informative. Majority of it was about the benefits, disadvantages of tourism.

• Is it right to bargain when we're the fortunate ones?
• How much is authentic?
• Why are foreigners attracted?
• What are we missing out on with tourism blinding our eyes?

Sorry my handwriting is so horrible. Currently on the road.

May See

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Jan 6, 2014

Laos 10:47am

Dear Journal,

We have just left our guesthouse. We are heading to a school that Tub teaches at. He's a person that Dr. Chia met three years ago. He was a student then but now he's a teacher. He's a very nice guy. He graduated with English so he's pretty good. 

Well, we're on the road again. My experience in Xieng Khouang was good. We ate at the markets, had conversations with a few Hmong ladies. Seeing the market reminded me of my mom. She works just as hard to earn... and she's done this most of her life. 

I also experienced exchanging money with a non-authorized vending place... it was with a bunch of guys with their money bags. I twas intense because I used $20 bills and they would give me in full if I had bigger bills but things worked out. 

May See

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Jan 7, 2014

Laos 11:14am

Dear Journal, 

We are currently on our way to Namphong Village. It will take us about 3-4 hours.

Last night we stayed at Salaphukun Guesthouse. It was a very beautiful place out-looking the mountains. Very peaceful. I got to know Jacky a little more... I asked her about her family and how they got to America.

After we left the bungalow, we stopped at a rest stop/restaurant on the hill. It was gorgeous. We stopped to evaluate what we want to accomplish after three days of home-stay.

Random Notes: "koi hak chao lai lai" means I love you in Lao.

Seeing and watching on TV is definitely different from experiencing from first-hand

While eating lunch with Jennifer, Pang, Mary Ellen and Shoua.. we talked about what I was studying and why I came to UW-Milwaukee. As a I was telling them why I wanted to study the Miao and Asia in general.. I went back to the beginning.

Jennifer re-mentioned how great of a leader I was by doing what I was doing and being the President of HSA. She said I was going to be a great leader... it shows and I have certain qualities already.

It really meant a lot to me to have someone recognize my capabilities. To be reassured that I was on the right path and what I was doing was good. 

Remember to be proud of your strengths and to love yourself!

May See

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Jan 7, 2014

Tshav ntuj ntawm koj

Los nag ntawm kuv

(lyrics to a song I wanted to remember during the drive through the mountains of Laos)

Dad (Taj Fwm)

Mom

Vam Nyiaj

- Wife (Zag)

- Muaj Moo

- Qi

- Thej

Pao

(names of the family that we stayed with)

*Muaj Moo is very smart. He's 7 years old and attends school. He's very smart. He knows his ABC and is very eager to learn. He actually knows a few words like Tiger, Chicken, buffalo. Mike and Jack were teaching him a few new words
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Jan 9, 2014

Laos 6:07pm

Dear Soon Loh,

I knew looking at your photo was a bad idea. I'm tearing up... I've saved your photos. The only photos of you before I left on my phone. I've saved them as my wallpaper. I miss you so much. I know I shouldn't be thinking about you because it only brings me sadness...

I stare at your photo.. hoping you'd talk back to me.. hoping I'd see your full smile. I want to see you again.. so badly. I miss your face.. your voice.. your smile.. your touch.. your hair. I miss combing through them.

I want to hold you... I miss your prickly facial hair.. I miss kissing your lips. I want to come back to you.

I love you so much.

Babe

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Jan 9, 2014

Laos 6:39pm

Dear Journal,

I just had a heart-to-heart talk with Zaag. It made me feel good... to have a nice, genuine coversation. I asked her about being a housewife "niam tsev" and about the marriage life. I also asked her about when she met Nyiaj and when she got married. 

As a niam tsev, it's hard work. you have to love the parents, raise kids, cook and clean.

She met Nyiaj when she was 19 but she wanted to live longer and grow up. She told him to not wait if he found another. But in time, she had no one interested in her and he didn't have a girlfriend so they got married when she was 30. 

Quite different from the norm of married age. But she's still beautiful.

I admire her for her hard work and beauty. 

May See

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Jan 9, 2014

Laos 11:00pm

Dear Journal,

It is officially the last night in Namphong Village with my host family.

At first, I dreaded the days here. I wanted to leave here after yesterday... but after I connected with Zaag and seeing Muaj Moo's progress.. knowing how much our family is going to miss us... I'm going to miss them too. I am blessed to have learned from this family. They were open with us and genuine. I can't express that enough. Good night.

May See

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Jan 10, 2014

Laos 11:08am

Dear Journal,

We just left Namphong Village... listening to Jak Kun Pai.. I didn't feel emotional but in my heart.. I feel sadness and love at the same time. I saw now how they live. I felt their love that they gave to us. I felt the generosity. I will be forever thankful for what they taught me.. and what I've seen.

Namphong Village and my host family will forever hold a special place in my heart. 

I honestly didn't expect a connection.. with them. I least expected it. 

I also had lots of fun with Simone, Mike and Jack. Without them, I couldn't have done it. 

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Jan 12, 2014

Laos 1:49pm

Dear Journal,

I am currently in Vientiene, Laos. I forgot to journal yesterday but we spent a day and a night in Ban 52. We went to an after school English school. It was a great experience definitely different from the Namphong school here.I believe the students had the money to attend English school. Most of them had cellphones. They were also very eager to have conversations in English. 

I didn't get a chance to call my cousin, Hnub... I hope she forgot about me.

Then we had a 2 dinners and breakfast at the driver's place.

As we were driving out of Ban 52 and heading to Vientiene... we stopped by at Yengkong's uncle's village. They prepared a party for us. 

Let's say I felt uncomfortable at first because I was avoiding being hit on. But I did. Well, it wasn't directly but the guy just asked my age and what year I was in college then he gave a creepy compliment...haha.

Anyways, that village knew how to party. Eh...

Then we finally drove off to Vientiene. The ride wasn't too long. But it was hilarious because Fong and Jacky had to use the bathroom so bad. Then when we got out, we thought they were the only ones. Found out, so many others followed them to the restaurant. 

Haha.. I wish I recorded everything. It was like a rat race. 

We finally got to the Aroon hotel. It's very nice. We got wi-fi!!!

I have so much to catch-up =___=

Then we worked on our group projects at a nice cafe. 

We all did a 15 minute presentation. Got that over and done with... however we still got a paper to do.

Today, we visited the C.O.P.E. rehab center. It really opened up my eyes. I've heard of it but seeing the photo and simulations of cluster bombs... and seeing the good services that they are offering the victims made me feel good. We, as UWM, donated $357 to the cause.

After we went to Ack's house for a basi ceremony sharing this blessing evnet with part of the group was great. And I hope Jon sees his own world... or is beginning to feel all the love.

May See

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Jan 13, 2014

Laos 11:37am

Dear Journal,

We are currently on the plane. Just left Vientiene to Pakse, Laos. I got emotional. I cried because I was going to leave my parent's and grandparent's home country. A place of home, love and longing.

I was there. I experienced it and now I have an insight in how they were raised up. I hope they were proud of me. 

When I think of Laos, I'll think of the tropical vegetation, the tourism in Luang Prabang, the temples where I prayed for Soon Loh's dad and my family.

I'll forever remember the mountains we drove past and around. I've longed to see them. I'll remember the four drivers: Chuefue, Xai Pao, Bee, Va Shoua. I learned a lot from Va Shoua. 

I'll remember my host family in Namphong. I'll miss their faces and be sad that I left.. knowing their struggles.

I'll remember walking around the Plain of Jars and seeing the craters.

I'll remember the many different families I met and shared a meal with and the dancing.

I'll remember the two schools we visited.. and how they changed my life in terms of recognizing my capabilities of teaching.. and seeing others eagerly learning English

I'll remember my two days in Vientiene. I'll remember the beautiful basi ceremony... all the blessings given and received. Oh and really good food.

Lastly, I'll remember my tearful goodbye with Laos

May See

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Jan 14, 2014

Cambodia 9:01am

Dear Journal, 

Currently at our hotel waiting to leave to Angkor Wat! I really need to do my readings, haha. 

Last night, we went to a craft fair. It was interesting. Then we had dinner. Me, Pang, Bec, and Mike. Pretty chill.

Then, I had an awesome idea of getting a tattoo here.

May See

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Jan 15, 2014

Cambodia 10:24pm

Dear Journal,

Angkor Wat yesterday was amazing... but I'm super exhausted from any form of touring in a long while!

Sweated my ass off. A lot of climbing, steep stairs. We went to Angkor Wat, Ta Phrunard, Bayon temples.

Today, we went to the floating village however the water was low. But it was interesting to see a new community.

Then we got back to take our exams. I didn't do my best. I did get my responses back and got all A's on them. 

After that, we went to the old market. I got my tattoo appointment at 2:30pm tomorrow :) I'm super ecited. I really hope everything turns out right.

Afterwards, we went to dinner.. our last dinner together. It was buffet style.. interesting. Then we watched a Khmer dance. I'm so jealous. I really wish I could do all sorts of ethnic dances!

Side note: I bought some deep harem pants!

Afterwards, we came back and debriefed about our experiences here. I truly had a great time and.. made it through. 

I believe I have matured in a different level. I am happy to have seen the world in a new perspective. 

Tomorrow I will work on a special choreography dedicated to myself on this big accomplishment and to inspire others to travel as well.

Then at 2:00pm, head to Angkor Tattoo. Becca will get her first than mines second. 

When we get back, I'll film and at 6pm we leave Cambodia. Well just the hotel, haha. 

I really can't wait to get home... I don't miss the snow but I miss everything else. Time to go home. 

May See

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Jan 16, 2014

Cambodia 3:41pm

Dear Journal,

I finally got my tattoo! It feels good. It's a great accomplishment.. to get a tattoo abroad. Now I can check that off my bucketlist. 

Another accomplishment was getting my dance video filmed. It wasn't too bad. Filmed it less than 30 minutes. Ran it through 3 times. 

I'm excited to edit it on the plane ride :)

I believe my experience in Cambodia was my least favorite one. I just didn't like the tourism here. Sure, poverty exists but I didn't like the consistent nagging and begging of money. 

I can't wait to go home.

May See

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& that was all I wrote. 22 journal entries. Wow. After Cambodia, I was too exhausted to enter any journal entries :\ Now, I just need to edit my videos and clips and create my travel scrapbook!! I hope you enjoyed my journal. There was a lot going on and I just didn't have the time to write them all down. My next upcoming projects will fill in what I didn't write on! Thank you for your time :)

unf: Lee Dong Wook

OMG. The things I would do to this man *DROOLS*

I've never really paid attention to him until watching Roommate. Maybe it was his diet but it definitely showed his sharp and strong jawline. I think I have thing for jawlines. I just found him sooooo attractive. I get dirty thoughts when I see him during the show. I would kiss his neck and jaws if I had the chance. His smile and his gaze makes me melt. Besides his physical attraction though... He has a great personality and really respects others.

I hope he starts to be in more movies because I prefer movies than dramas. And even though Bom is unofficially off the show, I hope BoDong happens in the future ^__^ I still have faith.

Nyob zoo!

It's May See here again...

I made a blog like six years ago but I got tired of it and migrated to Tumblr. I can never stay in one place, haha. It's Summer 2014 and I haven't done too much. Just relax, chill, procrastinate, and be a bum so far. However, I have:

read books (finished one)
played videos games
attemped pilates
moved out and into a new studio apartment
choreographed and danced for a hip hop showcase, IGNITE
biked and paddle boated with the boyfriend
painted at Splash Studio for my sister-in-law's sister's bachelorette weekend
spent time with boyfriend's family
worked
watch Korean reality shows - Superman is Back & Roommate

I keep thinking to myself that I've been a bum but I need to remind myself... I've been doing great things and not wasting my summer away. haha. Life's good :)